Diabetes...

Joe got me a movie for mother's day. Actually, he got me a whole cute basket with a movie, some good wine, popcorn, and chocolate covered almonds. (So sweet of him) The movie was called "P.S. I love you" The plot, briefly, is about a man who dies and leaves a bunch of letters to his wife to help her move on with life.

Nice movie idea. Not a nice movie for me to watch. I struggle (a lot more than I would like) with the fear that Joe is not going to be around for me and the kids for a long time. I think I (for the most part) have viewed his diabetes diagnosis in an entirely clinical manner. I ask him about his insulin, check his glucometer to see how his blood sugars have been, and question the foods he is eating. I try not to focus on the long term with his diabetes. Maybe that's my coping skill, I don't know, but watching that movie brought up a lot of the worries that I have about Joe.

I have taken care of many diabetics in my time as a nurse, many of them were type 1 diabetics (juvenile onset, insulin dependent) like Joe. I spend much of my care time teaching them about the need for close monitoring, monitoring their diet, and a lot of time telling them about their statistical odds of certain complications if their blood sugars were not in control. These odds are things I don't even want to think about with Joe. I need him to be around for many more years, and not just be here, but be healthy and playing with the kids, and grand kids, and taking me touring around Europe and cruising... I mean, we will only be 43 when Abby graduates high school, and we have a lot of living to do.

Anyway, I ended up crying on my way home from work this weekend. I don't know why that movie impacted me so much, but it did, and now I must give it all back to God. I have to remind myself that He knows every hair on our heads, and He knows the plans He has for us.... I know this, but diabetes is an ugly ugly disease and I just wish it never came near my family.